Love's inside

Arman was lying on the bed. Tossing his bolsters. Sleep was wandering nearby but was hesitant to be his guest tonight as well. Suddenly he noticed an image comming out of the mirror. 'Arman you awake??' questioned the image. Arman was too shocked and frightened to answer. 'Don't worry Arman its me. Your conscience.' 'Conscience??!! W..ww.. what consc...!!!' Arman was too frightened to speak. 'I live inside you. I'm the one whom you're afraid to listen!!' Inside me?? He startered calculating 365 bones, a heart, 2 lungs, some litres of blood, veins and some other things. Where this bloddy thing lives, Arman thought.
'Inside me?? Huh cmon stop kidding. You are as big as me.' Arman brushed him off. 'I don't need space to live Arman. I'm a part of you. It's just you don't know I exist' The image answered smiling pleasently. His smile gave him some confidence. He spoke, 'So why are you here?' Questioned Arman. 'I'm here to help you. you need me. Don't you?' Image countered him. 'After 29 years you think I need you. Huh, let me tell you I don't need you. Don't piss me off and let me sleep.' The sleepless nights of so many months have made him bitter mouthed and frustrated.
'Really? Ok I'll leave but just tell me why haven't you sleept for past so many months??' Image questioned him. Arman was stunned. How did he know that. He thought. But was too stubborn to surrender. 'It seems your eyes have been replaced by buttons. Look at this room, this bed, the comforts. How could anyone in this world can be sleepless here!!' While answering he waved his hand dramatically to show him the room but was an attempt to hide the dark circles beneath the eyes. 'Indeed this room is full of wordly comforts.' Image looked around smiling sarcastically. Took a deep breath and added, 'What about you, your inside, your heart.'
The question felt like dagger slitting across his throat. Words were hard to find. But, he was a fighter. The criss cross lines on his palm had always set him for a fight. He has always been an opponent; to his destiny, life, friendship and everything he loved. Just to hold them for a while. To love them, to enjoy them. For the world outside he was ferociouos fighter and a winner. But in the ring of life all he had was a knock out punch. A fight was eminent today as well. 'Stop it I say. Pleaseeee. I beg you. Go away.' Arman's voice was rising and trembling at the same time. 'Look at yourself. Is this what you wanted from life, Arman?? Today you have pocket full of money, all worldly comforts. But even your dog likes Ramu kaka more than you. I really pity you.' Image's eyes boring inside his.
'It's me who's toiling for everyone. Day and night. 24x7. DO YOU GET IT. 24x7. LIKE A DOG' Arman shouted at the top of his voice. 'But my dog, whom i'm feeding on bloddy pedigree every 6 hours loves my cook!!' Arman lowered his voice trying to cool himself. The image was smiling and looking at him pathetically. Arman stole a glance at him and went on, 'It's nothing's new for me you know. Today my dog is loving Ramu kaka may be tomorrow he'll run away from me. Just like Neha, isn't it?'
He didn't wanted those words to slip. He has held those lines inside him for months. But as soon as it did he felt a big weight moving away. Arman turned his back, wiping a tear dwelling at the corner of his eye. 'What happened?? You crying Complan boy!! I don't believe it' Image mockingly asked. 'Don't you dare call me that again. I'll rip you apart. Do you get that. No one calls me that!' Arman was trembling with anger. 'Ok, comp... oh ok ok I won't sugarcube.' Image again smiled and said. 'Have you met Neha before coming here?' Arman asked with a sorry look in his eyes. 'No, I don't need to meet her anywhere else. She's inside you.' No not again. Stop this living-inside-you-thing. First this clone of mine and now Neha. I wonder who else are residing inside. I'm a human or a bloody guest house. 'Huh stop fooling me. She's gone, forever.' The word forever made him realise what he's lost.
'She loves you Arman. She wants to come back. She was...' Image was telling him when Arman cut him short, 'No one knows her better than me. I insulted her, she won't come back.' 'It wasn't you Arman. It was your ego, your greed for money that made you loose her.' There was persuation in image's voice. 'I'm a part of you. And I know you better even than you.' 'She has a huge ego.' Arman wanted to accept what image was saying but a part of him was telling him otherwise. 'But far lesser than you.' Image snapped back and continued, 'Just a sorry, some phone calls, bundles of roses and cartons of chocolates and she'll be back with you.' Arman's eyed him questioningly. He wanted to do the same for months but stopped himslef, always.
'This won't work.' Arman said decieving the defiant look in image's eyes. 'You're a bull. Ready to fight always but stubborn as well. You want to do this but your ego stops you. When will you listen to me.' Image pleaded. 'Just give it a chance. Atleast once.' 'Are you sure, it will work??' Arman smiled and his fingers itching to punch some numbers on his mobile. 'Why not ass, ahhh sorry. She loves you.' Image said, pumped with joy.
'Ok, let me see.' Arman took out his mobile and punched some numbers. 'Hello!' Arman was trembling. 'Yeah hello.' Replied Neha. Her sweet, child like voice was enough for him to go weak on his knees. He felt short of words. 'Ahhh.. ummm can i speak to Rohit.' The image was furious. Cursing him for being such a coward. Arman was going to dissconnect but the voice on the other side froze him. 'No Rohit's isn't here. But if you want to speak to me you can Arman.' Arman was shell shocked. He didn't realise that after such long time she'll recognise his voice. He broke down. The tear gates opened today. 'Come back. I love you.' Were the only words he could speak. A long pause over the phone. Arman was tensed. But the image was looking at him with a calm look on his face. As if telling him, don't let her go this time.
'Neha are you there. Look i'm sorry for everything. Please come outside.' Arman's voice was choking over the phone. 'Outside?? What do you mean outside.' Neha asked confused. 'My conscience told me you live inside me.' Arman replied like a 5 year old forgetting what he was saying. 'Arman are you drunk. What are you talking.' Neha questioned. Suddenly Arman realised his mistake. 'Uhhh nothing. I love you Neha.' He said sheepishly and smiled at the image which started to fade away. 'I love you too my sugar cube, my complan boy.' Neha cried while replying. The tears flowing on both sides were working as a solvent for washing away the ego. Arman looked at the image, smiling and fading somewhere inside him.

Anna in fashion !!

'Wake up you slumber bag. We're already late', Rohan yelled. 'Get lost. It's my weekly off!!' Arman replied sleepily.
'Don't be a dumbass Arman. We have to reach Pragati Maidan at 10. Candle march, to support Anna. Remember??' Rohan was all pumped up. 'Arrreeee yar, tum aur tumhara Anna Harare. Give me half an hour!!!!' Rohan cutting him short said, '20 mins and its HA-ZA-RE not HARARE, Arman. For God's sake. How many times I'll tell you that!!' 'To be precise Rohan its the 57th time. And I have to make my living. Have to work 24x7.' Rohan looked disgustingly at him and said, 'Everyone knows him. But its just about your girlfriend and job!! I bet even if he's in front of you, would you be able to recognize him??' Arman snapped back, 'I don't want to. And anyways Don't give me that crap ok. As if you're any good. You're going to click some photos there and will upload on Facebook.'
'So what, remember last time I posted the candle march photos I got 119 'Likes' and 88 friends commented on it.' Rohan challenged him with a Beat-that-if-you-can look on his face. 'Whatever, lets go' Arman said gloomily.
The bike's engine came to life and Arman dozed off on the pillion seat. After 30 mins they were at the maidan. 'So here's your I-Am-Anna badge and Gandhi topi,' Rohan was twinkling with joy. Armaan totally dumbstruck said, 'Look bro, not in this life I'm goin to wear these stuff you got from Chandni chowk. Is that clear!!' 'Fine! Atleast hold them. I'll be right back' Rohan replied and walked away. Arman sat on a bench and started fiddling with his mobile. 'Hi, I'm Kavita from Times of India newspaper. What's your name? And are you supporting Lokpal bill??'
Arman was floored with the ravishing beauty of Kavita. 'Hello I'm Arman. Ummm yeah yeah I am supporting Anna Hara.... Ah Hazare. Why shouldn't I. He's the man we want today. Government is so corrupt.' Arman tried to sound intelligent. 'What are your views about him.' Kavita questioned. 'Views?? Aaaaaa... ummmmm actually aaaaa, He's a good man. He's so young and energetic. He'll definitely uproot corruption.' Man she's so hot, he thought. 'He's 79 by the way'. She smiled. Arman went pink with embarresment, but managed somehow, 'We have to be young at heart. Don't we??' Kavita impressed with the reply said, 'Nice thoughts. Anyways put your Gandhi topi and badge and we'll click you.' 'Will that be in the newspaper tomorrow??' Arman saw a golden chance to kick Rohan's butt. 'Yes now hurry up. I have to leave.'
'You wana get some photos clicked?? Or shall we leave.' Rohan came back ad asked. 'I'm tired let's leave.' Arman answered him while following Kavita's back. Rohan followed his gaze, 'You dirty mind. Who's she?' Arman got tensed, sensing he got a competition said hurriedly, 'Don't know chal chalen.'
Next morning Arman came into the room grinning and holding the newspaper. 'What's the matter dumbo?? Got a very smiling face today. Anyways did you saw my wall.' 'No!!' Arman replied carelessly and his grin got wider. Rohan got pissed off and boastingly said, 'Huh! I've got 233 'Likes' and 123 friends commented on my snaps.' 'Really??' challenged Arman. 'Have a look at this.' Arman flung the newspaper across. Rohan held the newspaper and opened it. Surprised and baffled Rohan's eyes went wide. 'What the f***? Where did you got this clicked and that too in a newspaper, ass.' Arman was still smiling mischeviously. It was his time to have a Beat-that-if-you-can look. Replied, 'I don't know. Maybe its my charm. Now check my wall on FB.'
'What the hell!!! '233 LIKES' and 189 friends commented on your snap. When did you posted it.' Arman was laughing and almost choked while replying, 'As if you're the only one who knows how to use a scanner and computer!! Anyways bye. Catch you in the evening. And be ready for a booze party tonight. Akhirkar Bhai Ki Photo Newspaper Mein Ayi Hai'
Roahn was too shocked but the name Booze did its trick. 'Waise Arman in this pic you look hot bro!! Waise remember I drink only scotch. No third grader whisky please!!' 'Dumbass!! I drink only scotch. Huh, did his Father ever drink that.' Arman immitated him while shutting the door behind.

Nostalgia.....

Arman was jumping all around his house. Even Kamla, maid of the house smiled sheepishly at his Harman baweja like dance moves (He cant get better then that). It was the upteenth time his Mother asked him to stop frightning Jenny, there cute little pug which they brought some days back. 'Cmon mom, it's my first pay cheque!!' He screamed. Dad came inside the room with what-the-hell's-going-on look.
Immediately Armaan sombered, 'I'm going out with friends, I'll be late!' As he said that, something struck him deep inside. 'FRIENDS'. The word made him realise that everyone's out of Lucknow. Just like him and pursuing a job. After getting a job it was seldom that he needed anyone to share his miseries, joys, crushes. But deep inside he felt a vaccum ever since his best friend Ashu went to Delhi after getting a new job. Now when he looked at his cheque, the shining in his eyes were gone, hands shaking, tears dwelling in the corner of jet black eyes. He didn't knew what happened all of a sudden. Although he wasn't knew to this feeling of his. 'What happened, Beta?' His mother asked, concerned. 'Nothing.' He was choking as he spoke. He flung open the door and ran to the terrace.
Just like his emotions, the sky was blank too. No stars, no clouds, nothing. Pure jet black. 'You might be feeling very happy haan?? Why it's always me, you try to act smart with??' Looking towards the sky and shouting at the top of his voice. His phone rang. He took out the phone, hands still trembling.
It was Ashu. 'Hello sale, I've got to know you got your first cheque. You little bastard. Didn't bothered to call me up.' Arman was struck with the timing of call. 'Nai yar, was just thinking about you only.' Laughing at the reply he took on Arman, 'Bloody liar, its me or that hot babe in the marketing department. What was the name we christened for her??' Arman smiled feeling somewhat better replied, 'Prachi-The big thing!!' They both laughed.. 'I miss you yar. There are hell lot of jobs in Lucknow. Come back!!' Arman choked over the last line. 'Hey you, better not cry or I'm going to propose Prachi'
Arman didn't even heard him. 'I really don't even want to get this bloddy cheque encashed.' Ashu understood, Arman was in one his nostalgic modes. Which Ashu knew can get out of control. It indeed had got worse at times and Ashu knew it very well. 'Look bro we've been best of pals. U've always been my strength. Now if you do like this, it would be very hard for me.' Arman listened quitely. 'Say something.' Demanded Ashu.
'I miss the time. Having cigarette, though u didn't, talking about our sucking jobs, the girls, everything.' Said Arman, rather defiantly this time. 'Aur sale you said you'll not be in Lucknow for Durga Puja. Mark my words if you don't make it. I'm going to cut your balls and feed them to the crows.'
'Crows??!!!!' Ashu asked, a bit horrified. 'Yeah, that would be the best possible use of them.' Said Arman, laughing. 'How mean of you, dumbo. If you so earnestly want to cut them atleast feed them to Prachi!!'. Both laughed again. Whole heartedly, this time. Then Ashu broke the news, 'I'm coming, idiot. Don't worry, boss has sactioned my leave.' 'Really??' Arman was overjoyed, 'Yups, but you didn't let me speak for once, gosh. Don't know where had you picked this nagging thing like girls.' Ashu said, smiling over the phone.
'Ye hui na mardo wali bat. We'll party dead harder this time. I need to go Ashu. Dad's calling'. 'Sure dumbo, aur sun call Prachi as well this time.' Ashu pleaded. 'Moron, the big thing is mine.'
And he hung up.....

Take your time.....

0200 hrs.
Sunday night.
'And now when ur gone I wana be with you' (Enrique Iglesias, in case you thought who's the singer) ... the ringtone woke me up. Was startled to see Anup at this unearthly hour on the line (of course if a girl would have called up, I was all game for it). Cursing him, I groaned, 'WHAT IS IT MORON!!' He squeaked, 'What's the time?' I was taken aback. At 2 in the night he want's to know what time is it. 'Auspicious enough to slughter you, dumbass'. Anup sounded a bit worried at my sternness. Wasn't expecting it from me. 'Sorry just woke you up at this odd hour. But thought to share it with....' Cutting him in between I asked 'What?' She needs some time, i don't know wa.....' God, for heaven's sake don't cry. (We guys aren't gifted too glow even when we cry, LIKE GIRLS DO!!!!)
'What happened??' I asked concerned. Knowing an emotional bomb is about to explode. 'She wants some time yar. After 4 years, damn 4years of relationship Divya wants to think about it.!!' Couldn't decipher what he meant, was only cursing him to wake me up. Anyways to sound genuine, I enquired, 'But what happened? You guys were going along quite well!!' A long pause, then he started, 'Don't know man, she wants sapce.' Of course dumbo your khate-peete-ghar-ke-type-wala-weight might have started taking its toll. But didn't had the guts to tell him over the phone.
'Help me Damn it!! What you thinking. Tell me what's the problem!!'. Your waistline, that's the problem running nose. I thought!! But, Rather I said, 'Give her some time may be its better for the long run'!! Did I really said that?? Hmmm Didn't knew I could come up with something so cheesy to soothe the wrecked nerves of a heartbroken, sulking kid. 'Will that work??' Gosh, What to say now. 'Of course it will!! And if it doesn't I'll talk to her.' Shouldn't have said that, realised as soon as those words sllpped out of my motoring mouth. 'REALLY!!??' Stupmed!! 'Yeah, I will. Now go to sleep. And let me know.' 'Thanx buddy.' He replied and hung up.
After a while a message beeped.
'THANX BUDDY. UR D SWEETEST. LUV U....'
(God, I fear Divya might have read these 'homesexual' messages and have thought of taking her time!!!)

- Love is the sweetest thing which can happen to anyone. But nothing can be more heart breaking than someone saying 'I THINK WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT!!!'